Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense

Trying something new

2005-09-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

Or old, depending on how you look at it.

See in the left hand side, under the picture of Casa Manitoba? Remember Real Parenting? I started a MSN Group to sort of track and guide Mom and I through this farming thing we're doing. It's only gonna get worse next year when Mom brings me my goats. And llamas. And George. And Oscar...

Plus, I kind of hate this stream-of-consciousness one-sided monologue. Don't get me wrong, as you all know it's the only way I operate IRL, but online it feels kinda creepy and singular. I miss being able to reply, and having other people start posts even if it is just Mom.

Anyway, it'll either work or not, but it's kept me busy and thinking all morning. Yay for that, at least.

All's quiet...

2005-09-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

And in this family, that's a bad thing... Kif is still incommunicado, Mom's house fell down (no big bad wolf, and it *was* made of bricks) and every time I go to blog I stop short of hitting 'publish'

R asked me which was cheaper, a llama or a lawnmower. We are now officially llama-bound.

Now I'm only posting to avoid the inevitable; writing a letter to the temp agency letting them know of my availability. I might shoot myself in the foot a little at the start - tell them I am only available part-time nine to three or something like that. I dunno. I keep applying for these public service jobs, which I think are spoiling me because they are higher-end administrative jobs and lots of money. I even applied for one at Veteran's Affairs. It's their own fault for advertising that they need someone 'familiar with their mandate'. Hee hee.

No answer at the hog farms. I suspect they work in the barn all day and I have to call at night.

I volunteered to be a Girl Guide/Scout leader. They are having a signup day on Thursday, and I'm to go in and find 'Cindi' and get some security check forms.

And something called the 'Cluck and Quack Club' is having an exotic poultry sale on Saturday. I'm so there.

Leia is six today!

2005-09-10T08:53:00.000-05:00

Miss Piglet is wandering the house is a purple, red, green, orange and yellow (but mostly purple) fairy princess/witch costume and sparkly dollar-store high heels. She makes random announcements about how beautiful she looks. Everything is what she always wanted.

I got her a storybook too, Princess Stories with traditional Victorian illustrations and the original ending to the Little Mermaid where the Mermaid dies. Disney can get bent.

She's gonna break an ankle in those shoes, though.

And again...

2005-09-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

The kids got home from school. Both teachers are reported to be 'nice but strict'. Leia said she had three friends then one was mean to her then she had two then she made up with the mean one so now she has three again. Paul made friends with Micheal, son of Manny of the infamous Manny's Live Bait. That's where our mailboxes are.

Then the phone rang, and it was Leia's teacher Estelle. Did Leia report trouble this afternoon? No. Another kid was throwing rocks at her during afternoon recess. The kid was dealt with. And she bonked heads (accidentally, apparently) with another student in the line to get back into school, and cried and was iced down. Nope, I said - all I heard was 'schoolwasgreatIloveitandIcan'twaittogoback!'

I think Estelle likes Leia. "She just picks herself up and dusts herself off, doesn't she?" This is good.

Day one of school, and I have already spoken to Leia's teacher.

2005-09-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

No bad news, just Leia's new indoor school shoes were inside the front pocket of her backpack, and that proved too complicated and onerous a search for our Piglet. I got offline and found a voicemail for Paul asking if they were still here. I don't know how he got involved...

So I called to tell them where to look but they had already figured it out. Leia's teacher said that Leia was very... (pregnant pause) ...social. I asked if she had been grabbing people or shrieking at them. The teacher laughed and said no, it's just that she's been here for three hours and already has friends, you'd never know she hasn't been coming here all her life.

Now it's three-fifteen and I am waiting giddily for them to come home and tell me about their day.

No luck on the job front. Wandered the 'Mall' in Steinbach, got Leia some dollar-store dress-up heels for her birthday, and narrowly avoided buying a little grey kitten. Not a single 'Help Wanted' sign until I pulled out and saw one on the Subway restaurant in the parking lot. Fast food... *shudder*... Applied for a bunch of open-to-the-public positions with the Federal Public Service online. They *say* they prefer online applications... we'll see.

OMG, there go my munchkins.

2005-09-07T08:59:00.000-05:00

Took them out to the road, stood in the sunshine in the driveway, talked about bus safety and manners. Saw a bus way down the road (this is Manitoba, you can see FAR) but headed the wrong way. Heard the backup beeps as it turned around. Held Piglet's hand as we crossed and helped her up that big first step. She hopped into the very first seat behind the driver, and Paul got in next to her. Spoke briefly to the driver about timings (might be earlier tomorrow) and told them to be good. Crossed back and waved at goofball Piglet smiling in her new Ramona The Pest haircut and pink corduroy blazer. Tongues were stuck out. Moose-antlers made with thumbs to temples and fingers waggling. They pulled away.

I am alone. Time to find a job.

Just got a visit from the Cannabus

2005-09-06T08:08:00.000-05:00

Man, how jealous am I that my Uncle William is living out my adolescent fantasy of driving around hippy-style in a converted old bus?

I showed off my old bus, but you just can't beat 'runs good' as a recommendation for busdom.

You can check out the 'Crew' page to read about William's traveling buddy, whom Leia calls Pooh-Bear because of his t-shirt. Last night we let the kids stay up late to see Pooh-Bear juggle fire. In a thunderstorm. Afterwards as they were being tucked in Paul complained about not getting a story.

"Gee Paul, all you got was to stand outside in a thunderstorm in the pitch dark and watch a man spin fires on the ends of chains. Poor you."

I shall have to content myself with being the hippy with the cool spread. It's not so bad really. Takes both kinds. Travelin' hippies and Homesteadin' hippies. Circle of life, man.

Hee hee, how much fun am I having, eh?

Oh yeah, and the kids start school tomorrow too. YAY! Then I be a workin' hippy, with any luck. Lots of hog farms are hiring. I wonder if I'm strong enough to work on a hog farm.

Cool toys

2005-09-04T11:27:00.000-05:00

Went b-day shopping for Leia. It was not a rousing success. For some reason I am just not very impressed with the clothes available out there, and what I do like does not come in her size. Granted, her size is part of the problem. Piglet is 20%ile for height and 5%ile for weight. She is a baby bird.

Oh, and if anyone thinks I'm a mean old mom for getting the kid clothes for her birthday... uh, no. This kid changes outfit five times a day. Dressing is how she plays. It's what's fun.

So I went looking for a bridesmaid's dress, because those are usually the best value for princess-y dressup. But all I found were goofy pastel polyester at The Bay. The cuts were weird - the bodices were very wide and the skirts were very short. Everyone who has ever played princess knows princesses do *not* have ankles. They have LONG poofy skirts. Duh.

So I will send R out into a proper bridal shop... after work, when he is all dusty and gross... to pick out something *he* thinks is pretty. It's all just too perfect.

Meanwhile, I found something for Paul. It is essentially one of those marble-drop toys that we all love so much, but this one has cabling, braces, struts, spacers... and ELEVATORS. I bought out The Bay, all three set (the last of their stock) at 70% off. This morning we made one of the basic starter projects, then a big spiral drop. It is the most fun to start dropping marbles and see where they jump the track, fix it, and try again. Sometimes you get a 'lull' where one marble just sits there... until the next marble comes along and demonstrates conservation of momentum.

Da mostest fun

Terminator 2

2005-09-03T21:25:00.000-05:00

Man, there's nothing like a classic. Watched Terminator 2 with the kids tonight. Debriefed The Boy first on the meaning of 'Come with me if you want to live', and the high points of Terminator 1, but basically 2 stands on its own.

It also has an age 10-ish male protagonist. Needless to say The Boy was sold.

Not so much the Piglet. She spent the last ten minutes of the movie bawling. Granted it is late; past her bedtime, and her wails of despair were punctuated by yawns of exhaustion... but she found the sacrifice of the T-100 just a bit too harsh.

'It is my *favourite* Terminator!' She cries *sob sob sob*

I am unsympathetic as ever. 'It's not even a real robot. It's just the governor of California, pretending to be a robot.'

Also, my favourite character is Sarah Connor, and she lives. Paul asked if she makes it...

"Sarah Connor is too HARD to die!"

Now the kids are safely abed, Paul dreaming of survivalism and Leia lamenting her large, robotic, emotionally vacant, very kid-attentive hero (hey, I think I know why she liked him...) I am off to watch more Margaret Cho. I love Margaret Cho. And Blockbuster's 2$ for a week old movie rentals. Cause there's nothing like a classic.

rutger hauer - Google Image Search

2005-09-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

rutger hauer - Google Image Search

Mom asked who he was. He's a danish actor whose best-known role was as the leader of the runaway simulants in Blade Runner. He is an older gentleman now, but didn't used to be. I last saw him in Sin City, but didn't recognize him because he was creepy and evil and not hot at all.

As you can see from the pictures he has that nordic light hair/blue eyes thing. He is one of those actors who when you see them on the box of a B-movie you can rest assured it will be worthwhile. His best B-movie was Blood of Heroes with the ineffable Joan Chen. Gotta find *that* on DVD.

Fabulous news from Mom

2005-08-30T18:11:00.000-05:00

Lisa the Goat had a little baby kid. It is white with blue eyes. I am so insanely jealous!

She is surveying for names - so far we have:

Leia - 'Whitey' because it is white (why don't we just name it Cracker, for crying out loud)
Paul - 'Birch' after it was pointed out that 'Snow White' is a girl's name, and the kid is a boy
Me - Rutger Hauer. I just like Rutger Hauer. Mmm.

Oh boy...

2005-08-29T06:59:00.000-05:00

What a weekend. It was all R family stuff, so if my family's non-response to my whiney 'where are you?' post wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with that fish-out-of-water feeling they always give me.

I won't get into it.

It's all foggy here now. There could be ten deer in my field, doing the Macarena, and I wouldn't know. I was scared to send R off driving in it.

Except for one thing: I got my cell working! I was supposed to meet R at Costco, and he was late. The kids and I decided we had waited long enough, so as per our procedure I was about to go in and start the shopping, sending The Boy out to check on every hour & half-hour. At the door there was a Rogers booth.

They had an advertisment for a child's cell phone. It if very simple - it doesn't even have a keypad. You program in what numbers it can call. It looks really sturdy, so I started asking the lady questions about it, and told her I was actually considering it for R. She pointed out that the approved numbers list worked both ways - the numbers you can call are also the only ones you can recieve calls from. I laughed and said I wasn't a pycho jealous girlfriend, just that he's a carpenter and delicate stuff gets smashed. She laughed and said to get him a Nokia because they could make hammers out of those phones. Then she *really* moved into salesgirl mode, and asked if I already had an account.

So I told her the sob story about moving out here with the family account last year, and the bizzare and conflicting information we had gotten from every Rogers employee we had ever tried to have help us get the phone working here. So she fixed it. At least she tried, but the page wouldn't load, so she took down my info and once I got home there was a message with my new number.

So if I get a phone for R, I can add it to the family plan - up to 5 people. And I would like to see this chick make a commission.

Hello? Fambly? You Dere?

2005-08-27T09:17:00.000-05:00

My fambly has disappeared. I am all alone on the innernet. I suspect Kif is all cocooned in the Rickaby with her toilet and her pet convicts. Would it kill her to drop by and update her site? Apparently it would. Would it kill her to get the Baby Puter fixed? Apparently it would. Apparently, it is likely Kif is already dead. She doesn't even have to update her site. She doesn't even have to comment here. There's a freakin' shoutbox, for fark's sake.

I am left to the irretrievable conclusion that Kif is a BAD Kif. And Evil. And Mean. She is not calling, writing or visiting because she has wone the lotto and does not want to share.

Likewise Mom has been maimed in a car accident. She is a quadraplegic, and Dad dialed the phone and left it on her head before he went to work. Tragically he misdialled, and she has been speaking to Arkansas all day. Can't wait till they see that bill. Serves 'em right for not being nicer to me.

Maybe I should go blind from soap poisoning like Ralphie. That would learn 'em.

Hello? Is this thing on?

P.S. I found a lady in Manitoba who has Angora Goats! Yay outside stock for the herd!

The Brothers Grimm

2005-08-27T08:42:00.000-05:00

Ooo, boy am I glad I had R take Piglet home and went to see this one with The Boy alone. It is scary.

I did not expect it to be. Okay, let me clarify; I expected that Paul would be scared, and Leia would be traumatised. Why? Because I did my whole Psych/Lit Major reading of Classic Fairy Tales. I Minored in Film too: I can tell you why Luke Skywalker had to defeat his father to become a man, er... Jedi. And why he had to build his own Lightsaber to do it. You just can't defeat your dad with his own penis.

So I did not expect to be scared by this movie. How could I be, when I know what's coming next? How could it generate any suspense?

Umm... yeah, it can. There are four 'snatchings' of little children shown. You see snippets of the Little Red Riding Hood one and the Hansel and Gretel one in the previews... creepy forests... But the other two they could not show you because there is no part of them that is not bogglingly terrifying. Okay, there are maybe a few seconds that are not bogglingly terrifying, but those are wiggity creepy.

I found the french accent on the French General character to be spotty at best, but I think I might have a higher standard than most Anglo viewers. I thought at first that the Italian 'master of the torturing arts' character, played by that *other* guy from Fargo (remember, the one that kept muttering about unguent?) was the comic relief. But no, there is really no man in this film who is not at least partly comic relief. The women on the other hand, are funny without comedy. The preview shows the yound heroine licking a 'Grandmother Toad' for a comic reaction by the man, but even this act is a demostration of arcane power.

The Evil Queen, as a template for all Wicked Women in fairy tales, could not have been cast better. Monica Belluci, I have said before and I will say again, is the most beautiful woman evah. Even more beautiful than Penelope Cruz, Mom. And she can play Regal Evil in her sleep. Those of you who have listened to my sage advice and seen Le Pacte Des Loups will know how well. Damn, but she should get an opportunity to do something dramatic in North America. Check out Malena if you want to see her acting chops.

Paul eventually went to bed, but not without trepidation. I don't think he'll be bugging me to take him exploring in our woods too much for the next little while...

Fun

2005-08-26T08:03:00.000-05:00

Yesterday the kids and I went out with some old boards from the barn and used them to squash the Mekong Elephant Grass leading to the field flat. Then when R got home we opened the listing old gate (it was too heavy and overgrown for me to budge it) We all stood there in our field with the sun setting and Paul said 'race ya' and took off giggling.

R said he was too tired from work, and I don't blame him - he has been working a framing crew and it's a long day. Paul came back and stood with us..

Then R yelled 'psyche!' and took off running. We all took off in different directions. Leia was in her big poofy lavendar ballet costume. Paul was giggling his squeaky hysterical giggle. I marveled at all the deer trails. With that many it's surprising we don't see them more. Heck, it's amazing we don't see deer traffic, deer road rage, and deers honking at each other.

Further proof my brain is massively big:

2005-08-24T14:46:00.000-05:00

I had a Shakespearean dream. In my dream I was in the audience at a theatre. The curtain openned and a man dress right out of the old Zeffirelli Romeo and Juliet comes out and announces bluntly that the actors are striking and there will be no show, unless members of the audience thought they could do as well as professional, trained actors. Then he stormed off.

At this point several members of the audience got up (but no one left!) because this was the device, Shakespeare's favourite: the play-within-the-play, but turned on it's ear. We were actors, playing audience members, playing actors.

At this point the dream got into my usual weird, because although everythign was deliberate and planned, I did not actually know my part and the kerchief I wore as a 'costume' squeezed my glasses off so I couldn't read my lines. So I guess I was the comic relief, or Shakespeare's favourite voice of wisdom: the Fool.

I am trying to remember my line, even now... I had it perfect by the time I woke up... Something like "Not affection, but remembrance..."

These kids are driving me nuts!

2005-08-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

I would never have suspected there was such a thing as Full Contact Go Fish. I am sitting here listening to death threats, whining, howls, giggles and 'go fish'es.

Nuts nuts nuts.

Also, for entertainment purposes, task a five (almost six!) year old with making peanut butter sandwiches for lunch for everyone. Watch as she attempts to accomplish her task without clearing any counter space or washing a knife.

Booger.

Successful shopping!

2005-08-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

Got all the kids' school supplies, shoes, and one first-day outfit each DONE. I like country schools. City schools get really persnickety about the supplies, dictating colours and brands and generally being very free with other people's money. Face it, most parents who buy the Made In China pencils do it not to thwart Canadian manufacturers, or to frustrate teachers with cheap leads that break under the minutest pressure, but because at 40/pencils per kid it gets steep.

Not me. I buy the pre-sharpened ones, cause I am a lazy, lazy mom.

I also buy a big sheet of bird netting as inspired by BackyardChickens.com to keep critters out of Guineapigatopia. I got two small Rubbermaid storage containers, cut a hole in the side and filled them with bedding. Tonight, the piggies are outside on purpose! The net is not strong enough to physically repel a determined animal, but as Paul and I learned as we were putting it on - it is plenty tangly.

The first-day outfits are to-die-for cute. Paul's is typical Paul, and I'm glad he already made his first impression on his new teacher, because we found a red long-sleeved top that says 'CAUTION: Mood Swing In Progress' on it, and we couldn't resist. Heck, I almost got one for me. Black baggy pants.

Leia's is a green dress in the colour chicks call 'seafoam'. Ask Heather. There is a little man-styled dress shirt out of crisp heavy cotton. It is white with small pink and green flowers. The hem of the dress has trim that matches. And the topper: a pink (fuschia, again ask Heather) corduroy jacket. Like a little dinner jacket. I wouldn'ta thought pink and green would be so nice together, but Piglet pulls it off.

Action-packed

2005-08-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

Ugh. The kids are officially signed up for school. Their bus transport requests have been filled out. They have each gotten a tour of their classroom, Leia by the Principal and Paul by the fifth grade teacher who happened to be there. She is une Montrealaise aussi.

But as we got ready to go - I to get changed and Paul to get the piggies in from Guineapigatopia, Punkin BIT Paul. On the finger, badly. Paul came in crying and calling for help (little bugger escaped, again) and I saw the blood and almost didn't bother to go out and throw a laundry basket over the rabid little rodent.

I think it was because he and his dad (Pirate) were together for the first time in more than a year, and had both been rumbling and chattering (GP threats & violence) and generally had their testosterone up.

Also I suspect they knew they were being caught to be put back into their cages, which are not clean right now, and The Boy had not so much fed them last night. I would fight too.

But still. I am boggling that a Guinea Pig could bite and draw blood. I have had them for years and years and years and never had one do this.

P.S. I still get a really good vibe off that school. Fingers crossed

Finally!

2005-08-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

A good feeling this morning, as I wake for the first time in a week with pain in my muscles not caused by illness. My back, my arms, my legs... sore because of the five wheelbarrow loads of gravel Paul and I put in the barn yesterday. The long walk Paul, Leia and I took out to the 'back 40' where we found a veritable highway system of deer trails.

And last but not least, when R got home...

Guineapigatopia!

It still has no roof. All it needs is a roof and the little shelters I designed (R calls them Gulags) and they will be good to go for overnighters.

How do we know? We left them out Saturday night. Oopsie. Forgot. Poor little soggy piggies found huddled in the cold first thing in the morning, unharmed and none the worse for wear. Punkin even escaped as Paul was trying to bring them in so they could warm up and dry off.

Sorry I haven't written in a while...

2005-08-20T11:08:00.000-05:00

... but that sick we had has turned into some demon sleeping sickness. I dream that I am fighting monsters every night, because all my muscles are so sore. My eyelids are sore.

I am appreciating this place more and more. There are little birds eating the apples in my backyard. One landed on the windowsill the other day and looked right at me. I am now campaigning for a birdfeeder right outside the dining room window. I want to be able to fill it from inside the house, and have little birds join us for every meal.

The kids are on a mission to pick me wild flowers. We are pressing them. I want to fill the whole telephone book before they are all gone. The grass in the field has gone golden with seed, and the weather has cooled off. Next week I will have to register the kids for school. Then I will have to start looking for work, and all these lean times will be over and my life will start taking shape.

I hope I get a job like Dad's. He laughs and jokes and has fun with his coworkers, and enjoys what he does. It has been so long since I enjoyed what I did for a living, I had almost forgotten it was possible. Means to an end, means to an end. Either way I will be building my chicken coop this spring and getting animals and maybe even becoming the Angora Goat Queen of Manitoba, because get this - there are none here.

Mom and I cooked up the plan where we could do separate herds, but I will have to find 'outside blood' for Angora West from elsewhere, because there are no registered Angora goats in the province. But it would be nice to travel back and forth exchanging goats and building our herds and bloodlines when Mom & Dad get a bigger place.

Yay

Sick as dogs out here

2005-08-15T18:28:00.000-05:00

Ugh. Paul and I are sick little puppies. It could be way worse though - Leia is at Gramma Bunny's for a few days. At first I was missing my little piglet, but now I am glad it is just us sickos with no chirping, squeaking peanut gallery.

Plus, we went to this picnic put on by R's union on the weekend, and both the kids won a Portable CD Player in this draw. Problem: Paul has an MP3 player already, Leia doesn't need a CD Player. Solution: Prizes come with gift reciepts, take them back to Future Shop and trade 'em in for the Uber-Lord-Of-The-Rings-Extended-12-Disk-DVD-Set-Of-Orc-y-Elvish-Awesomeness. *All* the bonus scenes. Medicate. Recline with sick nine-year-old boy. Recover.

And Sims 2, which I am disappointed to say I found a bug in. I had a family of four, and somehow an invisibe traffic jam happened when two Sims were being picked up/dropped off for work. They got stuck in their carpools and died. Let that be a lesson to you.

Deer in the front yard

2005-08-13T10:48:00.000-05:00

Two of them, young bucks, wandered through our front yard right past the big windows. You'd think it was Santa Claus from the way The Boy reacted. I came out of the bedroom to see both kids lit up by indirect morning sunshine at the window. Paul had his hand around Leia, and neither of them was talking, or whining, or squealing.

I am *so* buying a salt lick.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAMMA!!!

2005-08-11T08:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday from all us out West! Make it a really awesome birthday, then write all about it, k?

(P.S. she got her present yesterday, folks. It was a slow cooker. Paul scoffed at me when I suggested I couldn't think of a good present: "A slow cooker, Mom. You've wanted to get her one for ages")

Crappy day

2005-08-10T08:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday. Sucked.

I have been a little burnt out recently anyway. I thought I was just premenstrual, but then that got over with and the feeling didn't go away. The weekend at the cottage should have been great but there were some really ugly things that happened, not only with my kids, but with my MIL & FIL too. So not exactly the rest & relaxation that was advertised.

I know that R is not responsible for his parents' actions, and frankly I am glad he is adopted. But he does not defend me to them. Ever. At all.

I had been told that yesterday the FIL would be taking us to Tinkertown (little munchkin's amusement park) but when the meetup instructions were given it turned out to be a drop-off. No biggie, he's worse when R is not around so that was for the best. Beats me why these things are prefaced with 'you'll like it' when all I'm going to see is the gate, but whatever.

So I took the car (which I was so glad to have again!) in for an oil change, its first in a long, long time. As I drove the little brake warning light came on again and again. By the time I drove home it was on full-time. I read the manual, and it was full of 'pull over very carefully, here's how to stop if you have no brakes' which scared the shit out of me. But it was also like the stupid Weed Eater instructions: only half of what you need is there. It says to pull over and check what is causing the light to come on. No 'how'. Just 'Pull over and check'. My brakes were fine, so I made it home and parked it. Again. No car.

While I was in town I found these ceramic pizza stones on sale. Mrs P used to use them for her fabulous cookie baking. She swore by them. They were only $10 so I bought two. I also got the Muppets Season One, and suddenly I saw us all eating pizza in front of the TV in our house, watching Kermit and Piggy and Fozzie.

So at 4:30 R called and I told him to pick up frozen pizzas on the way home. He said he had just called his Dad and told him he was on his way to pick up the kids, and that he'd have to get the pizzas in Steinbach cause it was shorter than driving back into Winnipeg, and there was no way he could be late when he had just told his Dad he was coming. I told him fine, I got something special planned, cause I got something while I was in town. Didn't tell him what it was. Surprise.

He didn't get home till after eight. He didn't call until seven. I sat like an idiot with my pizza stones and my Muppets for three hours. I knew it was going to take longer than half an hour, because he had to get the pizza in Steinbach. Because he couldn't tell his father he was coming and then be late because he was getting dinner for his family. He could tell me he was coming, and be late because the kids were having fun so 'we' thought we'd stay. Two hours later he will think to call and give me a heads up. Fuck your plan Laure, we're having fun.

And when I told him how he had hurt my feelings, and made me feel like a roommate, and unimportant, he smiled and said nothing. I slipped up and called him Pat.

I found this while researching Chicken Coops - For Mom

2005-08-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

BackyardChickens.com - Chicken coops, chicken pictures, all about chickens!

This site also has a message board that looks fabulous. Funny how people get about their chickens.

R and I are considering trying to make a strawbale coop. All this for next year, of course, while I procrastinate on moving more gravel into the barn. Sigh.

Sweet vehicley goodness!

2005-08-08T19:09:00.000-05:00

I got my car back. The repairs seem to be good, and she got her first fill-up in over a year.

And we went to Steinbach and ordered a load of gravel (that's the debit from the account, Mom) then we went to the small animal auction held every monday in Grunthal. We bought nothing. That took some doing. There were bunnies and chickens and baby cows with their umbilical cords still on. There were goats and pigs. We wandered around and said 'aww' and got scoffed at by old farmers.

Then the gravel got delivered this afternoon and R brought home a wheelbarrow this evening. I emptied out most of the barn (the box stalls are the priority) and started carting in gravel. Oof, hard work.

We just had a family swim, and Leia did not wear her floatey or her life jacket. When she swims she makes noises like the Tasmanian Devil.

My big temptation for tomorrow: Season One of the Muppet Show is coming out on DVD. 24 episodes of Kermie and Miss Piggy, my daughter's namesake.

I have identified our pterodactyls

2005-08-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

They are Sandhill Cranes. I can be sure because of the size, the unusually loud trumpetting call, and the fact that they fly with their necks and legs extended straight.

Back from a lovely weekend

2005-08-08T07:48:00.000-05:00

except...

You ever go to a place, have a great time, get along with everyone, but know you will never be invited back?

The kids. Leia dropped her pants and did a butt-wiggle dance. Paul used the F-word conversationally with an eight-year old. It was cumulatively mortifying.

And it wouldn't have been so bad if the place hadn't been so wonderful, beautiful and fun, and if the people hadn't been so nice. But it is precicely because they are nice that I doubt they will want kids like mine hanging out with theirs.

Ah well.

I got my car back. New fuel line and tank. Gonna get out of the house and go 'sploring today. See if I can get the gravel for the barn. Got to try to cheer me up.

You know what's fun?

2005-08-04T11:46:00.000-05:00

Chopping stuff up with a food processor. You know what's more fun? Chopping stuff up with a food processor that has a side discharge. You put a bowl under the little spouty-looking thing and in theory the food shoots out into the bowl.

In practice slices of green pepper and celery fly everywhere. Mostly in the bowl. But lots of other places too. Like popping popcorn with the lid off the pot.

You know what else is fun? We're going camping this weekend with my MIL, and because R could not possibly take a day off work, and she wants a nice long weekend with the kids - she will pick them up tomorrow morning, and I will get the day to myself, then R & I will drive out Saturday.

*Boggle*

And of course it's Bunny-camping; guest cottage, beds, heat and a kitchen. Hooray!

Will I miss my pool? No. There's a lake, and we'll be on it. Yeehaw!

Only sad part is I will have to go back to wearing my 'big' bikini. Public, you know.

Hedge trimmers, swimming pools and food processors

2005-08-02T16:06:00.000-05:00

Three things that make my life just that much easier/more fun. Hedge trimmers because a Weed Eater with a regular line (no metal 'Ninja Blade' like Mom got to use) is no match for my Elephant grass. I got more cut today, with cramps, than in three days with the Weed Eater. Thanks to the FIL, who lent it to us with a conspiratorial 'try *this*'.

Swimming pools because ten minutes immersed in cool water is more refreshing than two hours in the frozen foods section at the grocery store. This theory was put to the test this past weekend, and it is valid.

Food processors were a lesson learned at Old Songs. I had been vowing to get one since then, and finally made good. Mine has one of those side discharge things that shoot out the side if you don't want to use their bowl. Yee ha.

I realize that I am sounding very materialistic. I guess I am materialistic. R called it champagne tastes once, and I mocked him mercilessly because my complaints at that point were polyester towels and socks with holes in them. Towels should absorb water, as a bare minimum. Socks should cover feet.

But it is more than that. The 'tiled' area at the front of my living room is slate-look linoleum. I like linoleum fine, but if I could I would have real slate. But I would also prefer to have skylights to fancy recessed lighting. Go figure.

Nausicaa

2005-07-31T17:31:00.000-05:00

Hey Mom, remember Spirited Away? Try Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind, it blows it out of the water.

I was so impressed that in spite of the fact that the Evil Disney Coorporation insists on distributing these as if they were imports (ie: price = $25.00++) I noticed that there was an offer that if you buy three Hayao Miyazaki movies, they'll send you a fourth not-free-$3.99-shipping-and-handling... And I fished the receipt out of the garbage, cause it is likely I will run out and spend lotsa money on everything this man has ever touched.

Nausicaa (NAW-sica) is more of a heroine than Sen from Spirited Away. She is brave and sympathetic, and manages to make lines like "No! Stop! The killing must end!" sound more noble than hokey. The plot, like all Japanese imports, defies description. Just buy it, or contact me, and I will lend out my copy, because it is important that everyone see this so they know exactly what is wrong with most children's movies.

The storm cometh

2005-07-31T17:06:00.000-05:00

The thing about a thunderstorm on a plain is, that Severe Storm Warnings notwithstanding, you get a lot of advance notice. We watched the storm come for more than an hour, arguing with Leia about whether she had 'seen the sun' and with Paul about whether the lightning was hitting 'just the other side of the garage'.

Can you imagine a lightning storm so bright it looks like daylight, simultaneously so far away that you can't even hear the thunder? Just knowing it is coming...

And it hit like Old Testament Wrath of God stuff. Fire and brimstone. We lost power. Didn't light candles, we were already in bed by then, but lay there staring at the ceiling and out the window at the strobes. Kablooey! BOOM! Crack! Rrrrrumble!

Today it is hot again, so we burned the burnables and swam in the pool, all together as a family. R was so busy handing over the 'partment (and cleaning it up 'afore) and arranging for my car to get fixed (stupid gas line spraying 'spensive gasoline everywhere) and visiting his grandparent's old place in the country where they might have a ride-on mower for us, that it was literally a day and a half without seeing him. He gave us a ride back on Friday after the movie, and I didn't see him until 10:30 on Saturday. So today, with the kids and the pool and the house and all just feels awesome.

And with my new-found enthusiasm for Guinea Pigs (cause they can save the day, y'know) I made sure that they are all out there in the dappled sunshine.

First treasures from the Old Bus

2005-07-30T15:29:00.000-05:00

Started cleaning out the Old Bus today, and got four old wool coats for my trouble. They gotta be washed before I can really judge them. Two are in right now. The last time the bus was used was 1981 (from the magazines and TV Guides inside) and they were probably old then. Coolness.

Losta trash, lotsa weird books, accordion music, romances, etc... There is a room at the back with a skanky bed.

Man, I wish I was a kid again.

Sky High

2005-07-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

Guilty pleasure of last night: I went to see Sky High. This is Disney fare, and I must say, the most money I have ever spent to watch a Saturday morning cartoon. And I guarantee you, this will be a Saturday morning cartoon. And a lunch box. And polyester jammies.

But in spite of that... I LOVED IT. I might get satellite, so I can watch it.

I knew I was being niche marketed at: this is definitely kid's stuff, but all the songs are remakes of old eighties Breakfast Club era pop tunes. Us thirty-somethings are the superhero-lovin' demographic, and we got kids, and we will take them to first-run movies, so sayeth the Disney Marketing Execs. Hence the movie.

But (hope I'm not giving away too much) the day gets saved by a Guinea Pig. That's beyond niche marketing. That's stalking!

The best part is when the freshmen superheroes have to demonstrate their powers in front of the whole class, and in front of the obnoxious gym teacher (Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead fame) who gets to place them in either the 'Hero' or 'Sidekick' streams. It is humiliating and funny at the same time. Some of the kids have powers that are just plain... not so powerful. It's like winning fifty bucks in the lottery. So close, yet so far. And of course, because it's Disney, the kids with the 'useless' powers save the day.

Like being able to turn into a Guinea Pig... Even I would prefer to be able to fly, but it's still a super-power, right?

Things I like

2005-07-28T08:35:00.000-05:00

Baby birds. Yesterday, I saw some barn swallows swooping and harrassing something(s) stuck to the side of the garage. The garage, as you may remember, is a big peaked quonset hut covered in brown shingles. A few of the shingles had strange round shadows right on the edge. My first though was that they were warped...

But they were bitty barn swallows. That's why the big ones consistently failed to dislodge them, only swooped and flapped and squauked and flew away. The little ones, for their part, were clinging resolutely, and fighting back when their parents came, except for the obnoxious one flaping back and forth between the barn and the powerline that supplies it... a distance of about three feet.

Paul putting his hair back in a ponytail. It is thick and beautiful. Not all of it reaches, but enough...

Measuring Leia. Mom has to tell me how old she was when she was three-foot-three, cause that's the last measurment I committed to memory, and now she's three-seven. My big girl.

The tent in the front yard. It is pitched, and the kids were going to sleep out there last night, but Paul got a tummyache and Leia chickened out. Paul gets lots of tummyaches at night, ususally after his big glass of milk. Tonight we are discontinuing milk to see if that 'cures' him. But I don't think it's a good idea for a boy his age to go off milk, so if it does turn out to be lactose intolerance we'll get some of that stuff you take now... For me too... Nummy Ice Cream!

Lawn care and maintenance. It doesn't even feel onerous because the space is so big and the tools so inadequate... I can wait, and make due, and it's all a preview of having the whole farm running again...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Just finished reading it. Without blowing any secrets, I'd say that what struck me the most was the maturing of the tone and the content. JKR has obviously watched the movies and realized that the kids are growing up, and that the rate of books and movies has stayed constant at one per year, meaning that the actors are not outgrowing the material... the material has not kept up... so now Harry and the gang are all stuck at first base. Yee ha!

Shock & surprise, but in a good way

2005-07-27T20:13:00.000-05:00

R's family gave us an old lawn mower. I was dubious. I couldn't start it. No surprise there, my family has been cursed with a long line of gas-powered devices for which step 1 of the starting procedure is 'fetch Dad'. R replaced the gas in the tank with fresh. It ran, and was surprisingly robust, but a wheel broke off. In pieces. R bought a pair of new ones, but forgot them in the city. He brought them out and installed them, but it was too late to mow. You just DON'T go outside at dusk here.

Then it rained early in the morning. We had to wait till noonish before the grass was dry enough. So not only was it way overgrown, but it was still damp when I loosed The Boy on the yard. That's right. The Firstborn mowed and mowed and mowed for all he was worth.

But here's the clincher: R was at work (noonish, remember?) so guess how the machine was propelled into action? You betcha, yours truly, on a single pull no less. It was *boggle* easy.

When I tried to explain to R how foreign it is to me that I should be able to start and operate not one but two gas-powered tools efforlessly, he started babbling about how to replace blah-blah-blah on a mower. I was not able to make him satisfactorily comprehend the extent to which he was solidifying my point. It never occurred to him that they should be hard to start, a fact I had formerly attibuted to 'big-guy-ness'. Maybe not, though. The first time he went to start the mower he almost flipped it over, muttering "I think I was smaller last time I tried this"

I mowed. Paul mowed. We finished the front yard and started the back. More to do tomorrow. By the time we mow everything, it will be time to start again at the front. I dream of ride-on mowers.

Shades of the Bacon Monster

2005-07-27T12:10:00.000-05:00

Kif relates the tale of how one morning at the Cabbage we made bacon sandwiches for the kids. Each kid was given four slices of bacon on toast with tomato slices... We were toasting up some more bread for our breakfast when we noticed that the plate that had held the last of the bacon (for *our* sandwiches) was empty. We both yelled in dismay and turned to the table to see three sets of blank-eyed stares, and a single dark-haired seven-year-old, munching furiously on an eight-bacon sandwich.

He actually sped up when he realized he was caught. Kif was in awe: "That kid *really* likes bacon..."

Last night I made chicken nuggets, but underestimated the cooking time. As we sat down to mushy fries and nuggets with BBQ sauce I tore open one of my nuggets to help it cool. The edges were cooked, but the center had the unmistakable translucent pink look of uncooked meat. I told everyone to put their chicken back on the plate so it could be cooked more. I thought we all had, but as R got up to leave I turned and saw... The Boy... snarfing his nugget... fast...

A special present for a special R

2005-07-26T08:40:00.000-05:00

A tablesaw. Of his very own. It will help him be extra-carpentery, and of course, build me stuff.

Specifically the genormous couch I got from the Sall Ann in Montreal; it needs to be genormouser. Taller. It was built in the seventies, and looks like a trendy Wood Allen set-piece. You know, the couch that would make him look lik a child because it is so deep and his feet stick straight off the end, but so low to the ground that your best bet for getting off it is a sort of floor/roll technique.

Also, shelves.

The house is starting to shape up a bit. I got stymied for a while there, because of the conundrum that most of my neat stuff has been pared down to the bare essentials by three consecutive moves, but R's has not. And my neat stuff is neat. His is junk. I just keep sort of moving it towards the door;

"You know, you could keep this in the garage..."

Beautiful night

2005-07-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

We went for our first walk on our property tonight. We crossed the big field and walked in the birch forest for a bit. There are big rocks there, and strange mounds that might be all the rocks that were in the field from way back when. We tried heading north to where the shrubberies are, but they are very dense and tall. They might even be willows when they grow up.

Once you get into the field most of the grass is short enough to be comfortable to walk through. There are gaps in the fence, but nothing insurmountable. I wish I wish I wish I was big and strong and rich. I would have this all fixed by next week.

Afterwards R came into the pool with us. We finally got Leia to relax enough to wear her bathing suit instead of her 'floaty'. Then we got her to float. Right now I am watching and listening to R and Paul horsing around in the pool, splashing and squeaking (just Paul, R is not much of a squeaker) and getting clean and tired.

It is a good life.

:)

Hey family?

2005-07-24T08:13:00.000-05:00

You guys survive the Vesuvius of toilets? Did the toilet survive? Did the house?

Hoo boy was that ever a nightmare.

2005-07-24T07:54:00.000-05:00

The dream started out good. I was on a seashore, right next to a dock. A cargo ship had crashed or something and the water and the edge of the dock was littered with stuff. Crates and boxes. Everybody was bring stuff back and piling it on shore. The more adventurous were swimming out deep and bringing back better stuff. You know; nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I think I might have been a pirate. I had a ship (but it wasn't there) and a crew (but they were scattered in the crowd). Everyone came out of the water and stood by the shore, watching the water. The sky was getting dark overhead. People were anxious, trying to account for friends. I started to sing (in my dreams I can do this)

"Turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again"

Everyone joined in on 'rise again' I heard my Father's voice in the crowd and went looking for my family. There were sharks in the water now, but I didn't care, because I could hear my family singing. All the people were happy, because the song was telling the sharks that when the tide took them back out again we would be back in there to get all the good loot. Patience.

Then we were home, just Kif and me. Kif was wearing a long, slinky, backless evening gown and a fancy up-hairdo. We came in the front door, where the guinea pig cages are. My Mother's piggies were there, so I guess we were all living together. The cages were smashed. Kif made a sweeping gesture and said "You clean that up, I'll get the dishes." and left. At first I was only scared that Pirate (eh? eh? My GP named Pirate, and I had been a...?) had gotten loose among the females, but then I noticed a piggie was hurt.

I was calling for Kif. The piggies was dragging a leg. Others were scrambling to get away from me. I realized that someone must have done this on purpose, picked up one cage and smashed the others with it. I was crying and calling for help, and I couldn't see. I don't know if the blindness was caused by the dream-crying, but for the rest of the dream nothing was visually clear. Kif only called back that she was doing the dishes.

I tried to get her, but I couldn't see and the house was unfamiliar. I saw her shape (skinny, eh - like a Dior model from the fifties) but I couldn't catch her by the shirt cause the dress was backless. Her skin was too smooth to hold onto. I couldn't even make her turn around.

I woke up with a start. I am always blind when I wake up (don't sleep in my glasses) so there was this moment of confusion. I still had that listening-to-running-water feeling of having to pee.

But I was safe and sound in a sunny patch on my own bed. Piglet (the big one) was splayed next to me. Sigh.

These brought tears to my eyes...

2005-07-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

stone: Worst Album Covers Ever

I sorta miss the eighties. But not really. Remember in the video for 'She's got legs' by ZZ Top, the girl wore ruffled ankle socks with high heels? Nuthin' but class, baby.

Saturday...

2005-07-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

I heard the pterodactyls this morning, but didn't see them. R doubts me. I don't know if I'm going to share the money from getting rich and famous from running Western Canada's Biggest Alpaca and Pterodactyl Farm with him.

Who am I kidding? I'll tip him a fiver and send him packing. Stinkin unbeliever.

The fun never ends!

2005-07-22T10:59:00.000-05:00

Today we got our first visitor, and of course I was not so much wearing pants. So this minivan pulls in, honking like a madman, and I'm gesturing 'just a minute!' as I run into my room.

Paul took care of it. Apparently the guy wanted to know if we owned any horses, and if so, were they missing, because there were a couple running loose on the road.

So we got dressed and went looking for loose horses. Didn't find any. Saw something that might have been a horse way off in the distance. Walked until we found what we thought was the end of our property. The farther away from the house, the bigger the trees. On the far end - a forest. We might even have a little creek, cause there was water running off the property into the ditch, but it didn't so much look like a clean creekbed. Might just be a bog with a low spot. But who knows?

Didn't see any pterodactyls.

Neato day :)

2005-07-21T18:35:00.000-05:00

Just got off the phone with Heather. I was calling to relate a story to Mom about how earlier today a pair of FREAKIN PTERODACTYLS flew over the house. I was heading out to play with my weed eater, when I heard a weird noise. It was on the far side of the fence, near the ditch. I approached cautiously, because last night we smelt a skunk...

It was loud, and sounded like a chicken caught in something that ratchets. So I got scared and decided to forget it and just go play with the weed eater.

I was revving it up (let it warm up on 'half choke' for a good minute before sliding it into 'run') When I heard the noise again, closer. The weed eater stalled, so I left it and went to see if I could see anything. All of a sudden they flew up out of the ditch and over the house.

They were a good four feet from wingtip to wingtip, and almost as much from beak to butt. They held their feet straight out like storks, Superman-style, not curled up underneath them like regular birds. But their necks were extended straight out like geese. Their wings were pointed. They made that loud warbling raptor call as they flew over the barn and into the back field.

Later they flew over the house while we were in it, and it was loud like they were right on top of us. Paul and I ran for the windows, but it was hard to tell what direction to run in, so I only caught a glimpse.

Pterodactyls. I'm sure of it.

Plus I heard from Heather that Kif has been exiled because of toilet asplodey. Hee hee. I have no sypathy. She would have to be having a *heck* of a lot less fun in her life before I felt bad just because her plumbing occasionally clock towers on her.

I am promised a full can of gas to begin mowing (push mower, eek) the lawny parts of the yard. I have this fear that while I am eating the weeds at the edges, I will turn around to find the house grown over. Sigh.

Two weeks alone with kids and I am a lawn-obsessed hausfrau.

After much discussion...

2005-07-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

... with my fam-damily... I have decided to be mature, responsible AND self-indulgent with my new riches. I am going to have a truckload of gravel delivered, and then fix up the barn. If there is enough time left over I will find myself a coupla Angora goats. They will be called 'Lawnmower and Weedeater'.

My car still hemorraghes gas when I drive, so this will have to wait a bit...

Hi Again!

2005-07-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

Here I am. Got my Dial-Up set up (sigh) just in time to check my bank balance to see that the Federal Money Fairies have been there, leaving their tell-tale big fat deposits.

Now I have to prioritize. Not easy. As I see it I have three options: I can buy a ride-on mower (crappy but brand new, or quality but used - these are sub-decisions) or I can get the high-speed two-way satellite or I can see how long it lasts just buying grocieries and paying bills. I should be able to make it to the end of the summer if I do that.

Now we all know what the RESPONSIBLE thing to do is. But is that what I'm gonna do? I dunno.

I do know that I am going to apply for this Provincical Gov't job I found in the local paper. Gotta go dress up my resume with my latest activities.

My one small accomplishment: The pool is now officially clean. Not mostly clean. Not cleaner than it was. All the was crystal-clear no green fuzz nowhere CLEAN. The trick - learn to use the vacuum. Yee ha!

And R got me my gas-powered weed eater. I bin cleaning up some of the perifery. It's not easy. Yesterday I was so sore afterwards that I had a hard time lifting the phone when it rang. We're talking about freakin Mekong elephant grass here. Over my head tall, with trunks, not stalks. When they get cut they still wrap around the weed eater though, and stall it out. Some notes for Mom when she gets hers: Weed eaters stall out when you're first starting them. The stupid instruction booklets omit important information - you get told how to start them and how to stop them, but not how to run them. Use the throttle like a gas pedal. That's the trick. Mekong elephant grass takes full throttle. Tufty soft lawn grass takes considerably less. Wear pants. They aint kiddin about that. Keep your mouth closed.

BTW, the phone rang because we might have successfully sublet our apartment, which is a huge weight off our collective minds.

I wish this house had more east-facing windows. Our land is a rectangle, running north-south lengthways. The house is in the south-west corner. That means all our land is east and north of the house. That beautiful picture window on the south wall in the living room gives me a good view of the neighbor's land. I want a set of patio doors on the east wall in teh same room, to a big multi-teired patio out to the pool. This on the house we said we wouldn't make any improvements to. Sigh.

I want animals right away too. Another resolution could die so fast there, except I am totally not ready... still have to re-floor the barn... HEY! Another option for the Money-Fairy droppings! I could get a truckload of gravel/stone dust delivered! And a wheelbarrow! I could borrow my FIL's pressure washer! (insert giddy giggling here)

Somebody should call me.

Hey hey, good news X 2!

2005-07-09T10:26:00.000-05:00

So I got some mail. The first sender I see is Revenue Canada. I yell at the mailwoman: "You had to do this to me today?

They reviewed my Child Tax Benefit situation. It turns out my kids exist, so I am entitled to a Child Tax Benefit. Yee ha! Plus they said they would 'reverse' the changes they had made to my account, which bodes well: if they do I should get reimbursed for the 'debt' they deducted from my tax return, AND get all the payments I missed in a lump sum. My cash fairy is alive and well, folks.

The second piece of mail was from CDI: I graduated. Ladies and gentlemen, not since they infamous 'This book sucked, I read twenty pages and was so irritated by the whining I put it down and decided the grade was not worth the aggravation' grade ten Catcher In The Rye essay have I pulled off a fast one like this.

You all may remember I did some database/webdesign work for Kif's flake of a former employer, who went on a 'business trip' and never came back? That was supposed to be my Internship for my final credit, but there was a 'supervisor review' that I was unable to have completed on grounds of flakiness on the part of the owner/operator.

Twenty five pages of 'What I did, what I learned' capped off with a heartfelt resolution regarding contracting and customer feedback earned me a butt-ugly certificate I can bury in my 'Accomplishments' file. YAY!

First impressions

2005-07-06T20:32:00.000-05:00

It is BIG. The treeline that surrounds my property is far, far away. And I can't get to it on foot because of the stupid swampy flooding. There are parts that are obviously permanent marsh - cattails. But most of it looks like drowning grass. I'm going to have to find a horse who is part hippo.

The house is big. In my brain it had shrunk, but it is roomy. There is only one phone jack, and that's in the 'master bedroom' - the one we are installing the Child Formerly Known As Leia And Forevermore Known As The Thirty-Five Pound Cannon (on account of her spectacular feats of bus-sickness) but there are outlets everywhere.

The pool is full and running. The water is crystal clear, but there is some FUNKY green goop growing on the walls. Ewww. I gotta figure out how to work the vacuum.

There are five cats. She had the two females fixed, so it is a single generation problem. There is one massive black tom. He is the George of Cats.

I keep running into problems. My gas tank is still busted, and I lose way too much fuel to be commuting/moving stuff with my car. I moved the Piggies out, but I have to rethink GuineaPigaTopia in light of the five resident predators. I wanted to cut them some grass for in their cages, but I have no scissors or knives out there yet. I wanted to start cleaning out the barn, but I have no shovel. I wanted to figure out how to clean the pool, but I have no internet out there. Ugh.

So I ordered some pizza, and will start fresh tomorrow.

Made it!

2005-07-06T07:33:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody! I made it!

I tried calling from the road, but Mom & Dad's phone is always busy (stupid dial-up!) and I didn't want to make Kif accept the charges.

I am lamely writing from the apartment. We still have internet here, but no phone as yet. Today I am going to try to arrange for some internet out there. High speed two-way satellite for me, thanks.

The trip was eventful. First we got stranded in Sudbury for two hours on what was supposed to be a twelve minute stop. The driver said leave your things on the bus, I'm just going to refuel. Then he didn't come back. Massive confusion and customer dissatisfaction ensued. I was not happy because I had sleeping kids collapsed all over me on something that could only academically be identified as a bench, and the Greyhound Employees who were available were singly unhelpful because that's the ticket counter's job.

Then in Thunder Bay a crazy person got on and sat with us. Yay. He was an older man, recovering from what I at first thought was an accident but by the end of the trip was sure had been a beating. He talked to himself when I employed the timeless technique of moving Paul away from him, informing him that I am married to a huge rabid jealous psychopath, and putting in my earphones. I wasn't always actually listening to music, so I got to hear some of the soliloquy. Gestapo and crocodiles, need I say more?

It was dark as we drove by Ste Anne, but not so dark that I couldn't see that the whole area is flooded. I am off to buy rubber boots as soon as the kids wake up. And get my eyebrows waxed. Rubber boots and Lauren Bacall eyebrows for me! Even the floodway is full to the brim. If our house is not underwater now it means it will likely never be, and if it is, it is likely to be as bad as it'll ever get. So I am maintaining a thin thread of optimism. Yay!

A dream!

2005-06-21T04:42:00.000-05:00

A good dream on the morning I depart. I dreamt I came to the new house. We were unpacking, and I went to the large south-facing picture window, which has been one of the features cemented in my mind as good.

And it was. I could see mountains. Like the Rockies in morning, all pink and purple and blue and grey. There was a low-lying mountain in the foreground, and I was looking down on it, as if we were on our own mountain. Across it's top was a fortress, like a medieval European Maccu Piccu. In my dream I thought we will go there.

Then since the view to the South was nice, I decided to look north. To the north was the sun, low in the sky and painted in yellow fingerpaints. It was like that painting, The Scream, only happy.

I woke up, and now I can't fall back to sleep. Ees all goot.

Joe Cartoon: Gerbil in a Light Socket

2005-06-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

Joe Cartoon: Gerbil in a Light Socket

I'm pretty nervous about the trip eh. All the movies/DVD Player?TV are all packed up. This cartoon may have permanently damaged the kids.

Bore Me - Voice mail message - Live account of traffic incident

2005-06-20T17:40:00.000-05:00

Bore Me - Voice mail message - Live account of traffic incident

Every once in a while on the Internet you hear something really really REALLY funny. This is is the funniest thing I have *evah* heard on dat dere innernet.

For Daddy.

It's bollocksing buggery HOT

2005-06-18T17:37:00.000-05:00

I've been reading too much British.

Summer has landed in Manitoba. It is 30C and hot hot hot. In this I have to pack. Why why WHY did I put it off? Luckily a lot of the stuff I own is in the basement which is blissfully cool. Note to self: Dig basement at new house, ASAP.

I'm so happy the bus is air conditioned...

Leia demands shopping

2005-06-17T19:57:00.000-05:00

After putting on a dress, or I should say a different dress for the purposes of dancing in, Leia approached me about her requirement for

'Hee Highles'

This is a dyslexic stutter of 'high heels', and it took her quite a few tries to get it out. She then distressingly decided that it was accurate and stuck to it. We were apparently to drop everything and run out to get the hee highles straight away. Sandal ones. Blue. Or pink. Or white, in that order. But the heel has to be big. In the back.

Now.

Also...

2005-06-16T19:54:00.000-05:00

Eowyn is a weirdo. Kif just called and had her repeat a radio ad at me. It wasn't done so much verbatim as it was done with that parroting voice the converted. The content was such:

"Every monday is ladies night at [some porn store] with Canada's largest collection of sex toys. Check us out at adultfun.ca!"

Creepy & funny & more creepy.

More info re: Kif

2005-06-16T19:49:00.000-05:00

Kif is an employed slut! Not only did she get the job at the place that is the local Holy Grail for good pay and decent working conditions, but she starts next week at a decent (read: better than what I'm making) rate of pay. All hail the mighty passing of the spectacular train of crap that has been our Kif's luck for the last few months (years?) and beckon the green pastures and soft winds of 40/hr/week day jobs.

I got my ring. I didn't think I'd be so romantic about it, but it has turned into some sort of demented personal targetting system, as I hold my hand aloft in front of myself everywhere I go. All misspellings are typos caused by my becoming distracted while watching my fingers.

The litmus test will come tomorrow when we see if I can resist waving it at coworkers who have never deliberately made eye contact with me, and who have no clue that I won't be there on Monday, or ever.

What I learned today

2005-06-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

Fire drills in 30-story building are fun, but nothing like the movies. You and your co-workers will pass the time just outside the stairwell waiting for the signall to begin your descent making crude jokes. They will evacuate the top floors first, but inexplicably skip floors 28 and 29. That means they're goners. Another coworker will translate for all those too slow or polite to make the obvious WTC connection "That's where the PLANES HIT"

There will be no Keanu Reeves or Will Smith charging up the stairs past you. There will be no obnoxious alpha male who yells that the evacuation instructions are wrong and to follow him, leading his doomed faction to their deaths. There was no chubby older woman who refused to budge and had to be cajoled or abandoned. Nobody panicked. Nobody went back for the cat. I didn't even go back for Skippy when I notice he was unaccounted for. We just all watched the building to see if he joined the Corporate BASE Jumping Team.

Also - fire escape stairs are turney. After 25 floors you will be dizzy as shit and regret th 8+ double mint oreo cookies you ate.

Information re: Kif

2005-06-16T07:03:00.000-05:00

1) She is a slut! SlutslutslutslutSLUT. Not to say that she isn't enjoying herself, but honestly - what a SLUT!

2) The slut killed her computer. More specifically, she killed *my* computer, proving herself once and for all to have as dire a black thumb for 'puters as I do for spider plants. It was on a surge protector, and it was sunny when she left for her job interview, but by the time she'd gotten there it was thunderstorming, and by the time she got back it was dead. Prolly just the power supply, don't worry eager fans; she'll be regaling you all with sordid tales of drunken sore slut feet in no time.

3) The job interview did not go well. She "babbled and sweated like a cretin" which is plagiarized from my most dire job interview story. Yup, like the mythical college student who plagiarizes his own instructor in his final paper, she spat my own babbling sweating cretin routine out at me. Then laughed at having been brought so low as to resemble me. Cow. If I had an eating disorder we'd be indistiguishable, except I'm not a slut.

4) I set a world record for calling her a slut to her face last night. As you can tell, I am quite proud of myself. Afore any of you Cultists getcher panties in a bunch remember that this is Kif. Like she cares. Like she wasn't laughing. Like she didn't get in a few good ones herself. Okay, I made that last one up - I guess I just felt bad for calling her a SLUT!

Hee hee.

One week...

2005-06-15T06:57:00.000-05:00

And I will be there. I am going seriously boogly. The packing thing is getting dire. The apartement is in no condition to be shown to prospective renters, and it is my contention that it will not be for some time.

I have packed up a pile of DVDs for the Great DVD Exchange. If any of you have any requests submit them now, cause with any luck the rest of my DVDs will be packed tonight. As I told R: we have to start acting like we are moving this weekend, because in a way we are.

What else? What else? Man, I don't know. I have that feeling like I'm forgetting something, that it's important, that I'm out of time, and that I will smack myself in the head when I remember too late.

The Law of the Playground | browse stories

2005-06-14T20:24:00.000-05:00

The Law of the Playground | browse stories

Everything in this site is written with a delicious English accent, combined with some powerfully witty commentary on kids in general, little boys specifically.

IFILM - Music Videos: The Ditty Bops: Wishful Thinking

2005-06-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

IFILM - Music Videos: The Ditty Bops: Wishful Thinking

This is so cute. I must find an album.

Total failure on the packing front

2005-06-12T10:55:00.000-05:00

I blame R. He claimed to have an assortment of genormous Tupperwares. He did not [bah]<- R.

We bought a ring. Just went out and did it. Even if we don't get the paperwork done, I will be wearing his ring (cue swoony moopy muzak :D) It is a wide white gold band. It comes with a free engraving, but we could not come up with anything on the spot. Actually, we couldn't come up with anything *good*. I came up with "Fetch me a beer, woman" and R came up with "One ring to rule them all". We suck.

R now claims to own lots of boxes. Sigh. Back to the basement. A few boxes, and they are small. I give up. I'll pack next weekend.

Countdown: 6

2005-06-10T07:03:00.000-05:00

I'm getting giddy. I keep thinking about The Cabbage. About Old Songs. The house in Ste Anne seems a million miles away. And I have now officially broken my 'two weeks cherry'

The two week thing was like this - at first it was two weeks till my last day at work. Then it was two weeks till I get on the bus. Then it was two weeks till I get there. Then it was two weeks till Old Songs. Nothing I did seemed to be any closer than two weeks. I suppose on the 21st it will be two weeks till possession, but for some reason that bleep has fallen off the radar. [now ythere is only the bleepiing of he electronic toys.] <--R typed this. Booger.

And here's something cute: Today Leia is going to a field trip to a FARM. She is very excited, but it still took some doing to convince her to wear pants. Her rubber boots, on the other hand, are a fashion staple around here. My daughter <3

Mad Shopping Spree!

2005-06-09T22:34:00.000-05:00

Demented soon-to-be traveller goes nuts at Wallyworld! Buckets of cash spent! Gizmos! Gadgets! Sleeping bags! Travel pillows!

Shockingly enough, the resolution to the PSP debat came from Skippy! I was explaining how easy it would be to blow my 'savings' (from taking the bus vice flying) on a PSP. He just blinked and said "But you can get a portable DVD player for 150" He was right. So I did. And a spare battery pack. And a movie for Mom, but it's a surprise. And a wee MP3 player for me.

Actually the MP3 player looks like the snag of the day. I've got over 100 songs on mine, and it shuffles and is about the size of a zippo lighter and doesn't skip. I might get one for Paul. It doesn't even need extra software, and it came with headphones. Too cool.

Oh yeah - I got a cool travel pillow too. Foamy. My fav. Travelin in *style*, except for the bus thing!

Kiffy will be so jealous

2005-06-09T06:51:00.000-05:00

I won't even ask if Kif still refinishes furniture or makes plaques. I know she does. And that's why she's gonna be so jealous, when she sees my new Dremel! R got it for work & home. It's a big set with lots of twirly attachments, including a jigsaw attachment, and the skinny pen extension, and a dealy for making circles, and a light... Too cool!

Also; Countdown: 7

Countdown: 8

2005-06-08T07:08:00.000-05:00

Big debate in the west: to marry or not to marry. Marriage in my case has several pratical purposes.

1) According to census data, the French Catholic neck of the woods we are moving into has a very VERY low number of common-law relationships. There is a general attitude out here that if you are not married you are not... I dunno. It's hard to describe.

2) A Marriage Certificate cements my status when it comes to contracts and law. That means if R snuffs himself driving to and from the country, the bank can't pretend the kids and I are not his inheritors.

But this little bell is going off in my head. I know my Mom will not care that she was not there in the long term. She would want us to have a party and can certainly understand if we want to do that stuff in our new home. But who better to be your witness? And if it would hurt my Mom's feelings, it would hurt R's Mom too. Sort of that elopment-cause-your-parents-suck thing, which is not the case.

But I don't want a party, a big dress and whatnot. I want to go to the courthouse, sign the papers, walk outside and smooch in the sunshine. That's all I want.

For Mom:

2005-06-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

"Easter Chicks Gone Bad", by Sheri Dixon

Check out this whole site. The tone of the writing cracks me up, and reminds me of our little country experiments.

Countdown: 9

2005-06-07T06:55:00.000-05:00

Spent a long time on the phone with Kif last night. She was giddy silly happy the whole time. I was not. Even though in nine working days I will be blissfully unemployed. And then three days of packing. Two days on the bus. One day down to Old Songs. Three days of Old Songs. Four days of visiting da dam fambly. Four more days of visiting da dam fambly while I am simultanteously homeless. Two days on the bus. Possession.

Why was I not giddy happy silly? Cause that's not how magnets work. One end is N, the other is S. Always!

It's funny. A lot of stuff is *bad* in her life right now. Things are not working out, but none of the drama can touch her. She's just sort of floating above it. Should make for an excellent visit.

You what/who I can't wait to see? Mr. Tumnus, the baby goat I saw born. And the place where Dad is working sounds like it would be a blast even if the old man didn't work there. I wanna go to the La Chute Flea Market and pretend I was within driving distance of my new place.

I still haven't started packing.

Jeez, Kif is so sensitive

2005-06-06T07:10:00.000-05:00

Two week countdown till I am off work for the summer. I would describe my attitude as 'unmotivated', but will endeavour to make full attendence so I can make full pay.

With the school and tickets out of the way there's not much I have to get done beofre I leave. Except packing... Yup. I gotta pack. And I don't mean to leave. I gotta pack to move, in the next two 1/2 weeks.

Who am I kidding? Everyone know it's gonna be a mad rush that last weekend.

Getting started

2005-06-05T17:38:00.000-05:00

I have been saving money towards going to Old Songs for months. Now I have started to spend it. I bought my bus tickets last Friday. I got three fleece sleeping bag liners today. I'm going to get my sleeping bag probably next week - I passed up a good sale price in favour of chopping around, only to have confirmed that it really was that good a price. Now I gotta go back for it.

Because R is coming, we may pick up a new tent - big enough for the whole family. Or not. He's bugging me RIGHT NOW. He's 1pla21yign tieh the key2board while I type.

Some stuff, like folding chairs and a cooler, and stuff like that, I will commission my family to find for me. Stuff that ne vaut pas la peine to carry on the bus. I know they once had a metric shitload of folding chairs.

The real agonizing decision is the bus entertainment. It is costing me like $600 dollars less to take the bus than to fly. But it will be a long haul - I am considering getting a PSP. I have long coveted one, and they are releasing movies for it, including Terminator 2, which The Boy has never seen. It also has keen puzzle games, and plays MP3s. Sounds like fun to me... But it would be easy to blow my savings margin :)

Busy, busy, busy day.

2005-06-03T15:53:00.000-05:00

Why was it busy? Cause I wasn't at work. R came and got me and we went for lunch together. We stopped by Greyhound and got x3 bus tickets. This is our itinerary:

We leave Winnipeg at 7:30am on the 21st and arrive in Hawkesbury at 8:50pm on the 22nd.

After we bought the tickets we drove out to the Rural Municipality of Ste Anne. We visited the county, the town, the school and the gas station. This place is going to do wonders for the kid's accents. The school is small - 200 students - but the class sizes are larger than I'd like. 25+ students per class for next year. The school itself has a homey atmosphere, and the kids were chatty and happy.

The computers in this place! I am in awe of their powah! I actually made the prinical take us out to the playground in the rain, because I thought there had to be *something* that was being scimped on to afford the hi-tech. Everything looked kosher. The multinational technology corporation I am temped out to does not have as nice a lab as this school.

Then we drove by the place. Like I said, it's raining, so all the water was at a high mark. At least one neighbor had a drivway I wouldn't attempt without 4WD. Both of our driveways look fine. The land looked beautiful, and that was something I was not expecting. When we saw it in the winter, it was a barren windswet plain with shrub trees surrounding it. In full bloom the land has 'filled out' so to speak. There was a little more of a 'ripple' (this is a plain - hills are too much to ask for) to the land than I expected, and the trees looked lush not scrubby at all.

Unfortunately that meant we could not see the bus at all. I am so scared they had it towed off. It's not enough to scuttle the deal in the end, and it's entirely possible that it is *completely* overgrown. That would just make it better. For some reason even though I saw all the trees in the winter, I never formed an impression of any part of our land as forested. I own a forest.

Best find of the outing: A map of the municipality with all the property lines marked and the owner's names in a big legend. This means we can see who our neighbors are, where the crown land is, which properties are corporate vs private owners, and who has subdivided. Our land is big enough that the current owner's name fits in the little rectangle that will be our home.

Crazy bus man!

2005-05-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

I'm in love.

The bus ride home was hellish. It was hot even with all the windows open. The bus was packed. I'd say standing room only, but that would be generous. There was traffic. And construction. At one stop a young lady got on with red and yellow hair. I don't mean red and blonde, I mean she looked like she wanted to go for a fire hydrant look and couldn't choose between industrial yellow or residential red. She looked at the driver and said;

"Excuse me, could you turn the air conditioning on?" *snort* *giggle*

They had a good laugh about it. Next stop more people got on and the driver had to ask us all to move back behind the yellow line. That line is there so he can see the rear-views. It's not decorative. So we all squish back. Now I don't have a pole to hold onto, just one of those overhead straps, which means I am arpitting my neighbours just as they are armpitting me. Lovely.

The girl, being of small stature, moved to the space between the first set of inward facing seats and the wheel well. You know those seats - the ones reserved for the elderly and passengers with reduced mobility.

"HEY! Don't HIT me!" She yells. This gets everyone's attention. The old man sitting in the first seat starts yelling at her that he can't see, and she's in his way. That's right - he *hit* another passenger on a standing-room-only bus for *obstructing his view*. She tells him that's she's not in the way, she's trying to keep the aisle clear and he cannot hit people. He starts going on about how she should watch her tongue because he's older and his kids don't talk to him like that. Without missing a beat she asks if he hits *them*.

It bears mentioning at this point that he had his cane hanging over the padded divider next to his seat. Both of them were quiet for few minutes, until he apparently took offense at how when the bus moved, his cane would swing and tap her.

"HEY Don't HIT me!" Again! He took a shot at her while moving his cane! Again he starts yelling at her how he needs to see, and she's in the way, and he'll do what he wants, etc..

Thus spake the young lady: "We are all tired, we are all hot, we all paid the same price to ride this bus, and none of us have a view. I don't have a view, I don't even have a seat, but I'm not complaining. That lady over there is pregnant and has a kid in a stroller. She's not complaining. You're lucky you have a seat, so sit in it and shut up. Keep complaining, and I'm going to come around and sit in your lap."

We all applauded.

As she got off the bus, and the driver apologized for the old man's behaviour she said: "I he's hawt, he can hit me with the cane. But he's just ugly."

Yes, that post means exactly what you think it means

2005-05-30T07:07:00.000-05:00

Pau-pau has a blog. Those are not typos, that's him talking in character. He gave one of his friends access - and you can just tell the quality of the writing. I so proud!

But it also means I spent a good portion of this weekend teaching html to 9-12 year-olds. The concept of open and closed tags was easy for them. But the concept of 'to add a link you must first have another site you wish to link to' - that one gave them all troubles.

Mostly I spent the weekend playing computer games and doing html as an aside. R was working, and I can't even get all pissy about it, cause every little bit helps right now. Ugh.

Did everyone go to GGG?

I've got a blog!

2005-05-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

well it's me paul I have got my own blog called Monster News .I'm so happy.One rule you always have to speak like a monster.

Our Piglet

2005-05-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

Never one to back down from a decision, Miss Piggy went through with her short haircut. We then gone her a pretty dress. I got some jeans (capris!) and a fancy belt. Leia was very disappointed that I did not get a new shirt. She seems to think it doesn't count as new clothes unless *everything* is new.

My best find: Converse-style shoes in red chinese brocade - five dollah!

Then I watched Forrest Gump with the kids. It really grabbed their attention; they weren't even around for the start where Forrest and Jenny are kids. I think the child-like hero really did it for them.

Bug for Mom's ear, aka Laure's vengeance!

2005-05-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

I found these Chickens. They are called Araucanas (or Ameraucanas) and they lay EASTER EGGS. I am not even kidding. The eggs come out blue, green and every shade of brown. The chickens themselves are a mixed bag of speckles.

I. Want. Them.

Also

2005-05-25T07:07:00.000-05:00

Hey look! ^ up there ^

30 days!

Plus

2005-05-25T07:01:00.000-05:00

Would you bleeve I got love letters from Revenue Canada, Revenue Quebec and the Insurance Company all in one day? That none of them had any record of my last rounds of conversation with them?

Of course, I have spent enough time in big companies and government (no difference, really) to know that it is entirely possible that on both counts last time I spoke to the troglodyte Cousin It co-worker, or the computer system was down, or just ate the record, or whatever.

Okay okay, explain the situation, re-resend the forms, write this down... Still no guarantee that anything will work...

Computers = brain repellent

2005-05-24T18:33:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I sent out Printmaps to our clients, as a courtesy. In my email I explained that their printers were being renamed, and that this spreadsheet would help them match their old printer names to their new printer names, just until the new labels could be delivered and applied.

Some of these location have 50+ printers. Matching up the new names without any sort of guide would be hell on wheels, considering that both the old and new naming strategies seems entirely random.

Some responses: What is this? Does this mean we're getting new printers? Why am I getting this? Did you send this to Bob? Could you send this to Bob? I don't like this - change it. What's a printer?

No one said thank you. Whatever.

So today Skippy had me send a Printmap to a particular client. She replies to me that one of her locations is missing from the list I sent. Complete with the intimation that this must be some sort of sloppiness on my part. So I replied that I had sent her everything I had on the locations she had asked for, and if she needed anything else, I would be glad to help... but the location you asked about isn't in my records.

No problem, turns out they just moved... might be listed under ***. Also, as long as you're looking, I want these seven other ones too. At this point I'm not pissed, cause I'm thinking, finally someone who appreciates the Printmaps! I spool the seven reports, but that first location is still eluding us. I send her the reports and suggest that if she give me a sample of an old printer name from the location, I might be able to match it up that way, but it's a longshot because there is a lot of duplication in Printer names...

Reply: "The printer at XXX is called YYY"

That's right folks. There is only one printer there. She wants a spreadsheet to help her find the *single* printer on her network. I'll give you a hint - it's the one that's THERE.

Back to work after long weekend

2005-05-24T07:09:00.000-05:00

*insert various bawling, whining sounds here*

I'll be fine. I need the money. Old Songs. Visiting the family. Must work. Impervious to Skippy.

Woke up mercifully late this morning, so I really don't have much time to dwell on it.

The further saga of my on-again-off-again job.

2005-05-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

Looks like it's on again. What can I say? Skippy likes me. A request was submitted to keep me on until the 17th. In retaliation I asked for Friday off, because Paul had a ped day. :P

So we went shopping, cause Paul was being a dork when we were running our errands, so I punished him by making him sit in the bra section of Walmart for two hours. And lectured him on the evils of non-cotton cups.

The we passed by the movie theatre. I did it all casual-like. Said I had to spit out my gum and walked up and bought two tickets for a matinee of Revenge of the Sith. I am the coolest Mom evah!

But lets say this - if I ever meet George Lucas he's gonna have some 'splaining to do. I will tell him "This is my beuatiful daughter Leia, named after your Princess, and as punishment for what you did to that series, you will now listen to her prattle about shiny shoes for ninety minutes!"

It was so completely, epic-ly bad. There was one laugh-out-loud funny part: when the credits rolled some schmuck tried to start a round of applause. There was one really excellent part: the preview for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I swear I teared up when Lucy pulled the tarp of the wardrobe. It's exactly how I imagined it. Plus this - you all remember the chubby buck-toothed Lucy from the BBC production? I was curious to see this 'Hollywood' Lucy... she was *tiny*! She looks like she's six or seven! Cute as a button, too.

Oy. Out last night, sleepy this morning.

2005-05-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

R's friend J, who is a high school teacher, designed and runs a film production course. Last night we went to see the fruits of his class's labour.

Oh boy! I thought, - two hours of wooden delivery and 'cool angles'!

Nopers. It was funny, laugh out loud funny. I'm going to try to get a copy. Some of the performances are uneven, some are downright bad. The plot is trite and basically a Mean Girls ripoff. But there are incredibly goofy moments, like when the goth kids' leader shouts at a female teacher 'HEX YOUR TESTICLES!' and hisses.

When the substitute sex ed teacher starts her routine and tells them to 'get it out', so one boy drops his pants. Once that's resolved, she points out that they always crack up when a teacher says... penis.

And the whole class recoils as if struck.

Penis penis!

Nothing.

Vagina penis!

Nothing.

...penis?

And one girls just loses it, hyperventilating and snorting and doing the little finger through a circle hand signal, trying to explain to her classmates "The TEACHER! Said *hawheehee* PENIS"

The movie is called 'How to be hated'. Ugh. And now I have to go to work.

Bad Sign, Ill Omen, etc...

2005-05-18T17:41:00.000-05:00

So first: Somebody at work has a stomach flu! I can tell because my desk is within earshot of the washroom. I understand that sometimes you get sick first thing in the morning... but for crying out loud GO HOME. Twice more she emptied out before the end of the day.

And then as I was walking to the bus stop I went through a closed service stair. For some reason it reeked of horse manure. And knowing I was not within thirty kilometers of a horse, I breathed deeply and sighed happily.

Scary!

2005-05-17T20:11:00.000-05:00

So we were watching Escape to Witch Mountain (1975) with Piglet, when R says, hey look at that.

In our back yard is one of those round spinning playground pieces that used to be in all the playgrounds but isn't anymore. This is why: the dad was spinning the ride super-fast with three little kids on it. One of them was less than two years old - just a baby. The baby was stumbling a bit under the g-forces, and right after R told me to look it - fell off, fast enough to spin it's little body right around like a kung-fu movie. Putting it's little head right inline with the spinning arms. Smacked the baby in the head hard enough to spin it 1/4 of the way around.

I almost swallowed my tongue. I think I'm gonna have a drink. The Dad reacted with super-human speed, and there were two more adults out there within thirty seconds. But still. Ouch.

Customers Suck! The Customer Is Never Right!

2005-05-17T17:48:00.000-05:00

Read the story of Vinegar Boy all the way through. There are 9 pages in total, and each one is like watching a big swirly.

YAY DAD!

2005-05-17T07:08:00.000-05:00

Read on Kif's site that Dad got the Upper Canada Village job!

CONGRATULATIONS

DAD!

Now to convince UCP they need to have an alehouse...

Crap-tacular nightmare!

2005-05-16T20:41:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamed we got the house, and it was all wrong. Everything was too small, including some rooms you could touch every wall in from a centralized standing position. There was a huge deck on the south side. There was a hard-packed road around the perimeter, but the ground other than that was too swampy. I know cause I stepped off it and got quick-sanded to death.

I think I'm gonna drive by it, just to refresh my subjective reality.

Ahh, Skippy...

2005-05-16T20:29:00.000-05:00

Today Skippy sent me an email with three attachements; lists of people who would have to be contacted this afternoon with a courtesy reminder about scheduled changes to their computer systems. For those of you who are familiar with networking; domain migrations. That's important later.

Skipper even came by my desk this afternoon to ask if I had done my calls yet. I hadn't, cause I was busy with my mission-critical task of reading about the Cow-Orker. But I said I'd get right on it, so I did.

The first attachment contained a list of people whose locations were being migrated by an on-site technician. I figured out for myself that it was unlikely they would need me to call up and let them know that that stranger in their office working on their computers was... in their office.. working on the computers.

The second attachment was plain old domain migrations.

The third was print migrations. Hmm... I haven't seen those before, so I wandered down to Skippy's office to munch his hospitality chocolates and ask if the procedure for print migrations was the same as for domain migrations.

"Nope. Those users don't have to do anything"

"So I don't have to call them, then"

*blink blink*

"To tell them not to do anything"

So I make my calls. We're dealing with rural customers now. They have not mastered screening their calls with voicemail. They have the old system of forwarding their phones to a secretary. Who puts you through if you ask for somebody specific. Who is then confounded that you got through. Sorry, buddy - security was somewhat less than Fort Knox-esque.

I get one guy who sounds good humoured. I remind him of the migration, and he deadpans:

"Where are they migrating to?"

I know I'm on safe ground here so I says:

"Straight off a cliff"

And he says:

"Lemmings!"

So I figure this exchange is cute enough to merit another trip down the hall to the hospitality chocolates.

No such luck. Five minutes of explaining the relevance of lemmings to computers.

*blink blink*

I got voted off the island :(

2005-05-15T12:31:00.000-05:00

The guys in my Supergroup on the superhero computer game I play were having a Survivor-style competition on our official boards. I made it the final four on the strength of my debauched pirate on a desert island routine.

And now I've been voted off. Bastards.

Keep in mind, this is not in the game. It's just a text-based storytelling thing on a board like the old Real Parenting. I was doing the best stories, everyone said so.

Fine. I'm gonna take my sword and my self and go home!

Pixie cut, eh?

2005-05-13T07:18:00.000-05:00

Actually I think that might work. As her hair gets longer and she brushes it less, she's just been looking unkempt. I think something low-maintenance will suit her this summer. Keep my fingers crossed she doesn't get it into her head to dye it orange. Again.

Last night I sent Leia to walk Winter home, and she didn't come back. Paul wasn't home for bedtime either, so I went out to corral them. There was a kid in the communal backyard being first-aided by two other grownups. He'd gotted stabbed in the head with a pointy stick. Guess by who?

Even the kid was insisting it was an accident (swordfighting/jousting) and Paul didn't mean to hurt him. Paul was pacing and crying, cause you know how head wounds bleed. I think he thought he'd killed his friend.

He walked the kid home and apologized to his parents. Today he will make hime a 'I'm sorry I stabbed you in the head with a pointy stick' card. That is his 'punishment', cause I can tell he feels awful. But I got to milk this one for all its worth, because not ten minutes before the 'accident' Paul was in here demanding to know where we keep the hatchet.

Thursday, again.

2005-05-12T07:02:00.000-05:00

Eesh, my life is caught in one of those time warps. I am looping through a boring, tedious, meaningless pattern of eat-work-sleep and every once in a while I notice a landmark like Thursday.

Did not end up getting Leia's hair cut - she spent most of last night playing with Winter. She still wants it, though. Any suggestions, Gramma?

Oog, off to work. Wonder if Skippy will ask me the difference between the number 5 and the imaginary number you get if you pretend 4 and 6 are the same number again. Maybe this will be one of those ones where I just don't talk to him or anyone else for nine hours.

Miss Princess Says:

2005-05-11T17:56:00.000-05:00

That she wants to get her hair cut short. She is adamant about this. She cannot be swayed. So there it is. Leia wants short hair, Paul wants long. Oy vey.

Plus, today I had to cover with Skippy that things that are different are not the same. Especially when you want me to compare a third thing to the fictional amalgam of the first and second. My brain hurts!

Skippy gave me bad news today :D

2005-05-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

He was unable to get my contract extended. I am finished in three weeks. I spoke to the nice lady from the Temp Agency, and she will try to find me something for after...

All together now: Awwww!

Yup, that helps!

2005-05-10T07:10:00.000-05:00

Hee hee, 45 days to go till Old Songs! A month and a half is just that much more do-able.

I so tired. I've been working on my Cosmo recipe, and I'm getting much better. There is a real art to getting the mix just right particularly between the alcohol and the cranberry juice. Neither one should overpower the other.

Last night I used Green Apple Vodka. The sort of citrussy flavour of the Triple Sec, combined with the apply Vodka, combined with the tart cranberry juice... yummy.

But it worked so well, I had to have a second, just to make sure I had it down.

Man.

2005-05-09T20:08:00.000-05:00

Boy, do Dee, Kif and I ever have ennui right now. I'm gonna go throw in a countdown to Old Songs up there ^

Back to work... sigh

2005-05-09T07:09:00.000-05:00

Man, fewer than 60 days till possession, and I'm thinking I better throw a Countdown to Old Songs up there too, cause it's just not short enough. Especially now that I've been extended.

I'm wondering if I'd better not leave a week early to pack up most of the stuff in the house. R will be on his own for most of the move, I think it would be a good idea to have everything as ready as possible. All of you who have heard my stories know that he is not uncomfortable with spartan living. I should have everything packed up and stacked in the hall.

It is becoming more and more clear to me that Paul and I are moving to the country, and R and Leia are coming with. For Mother's Day he gave me a card - It had a strange, geometric pictogram on it. Lettered rectangles. It took me a while to realize that it was a map, drawn from memory, of the new property. Heh, I doodle that at work all the time. We are truly kindred spirits.

Well, we got up late this morning. Gotta go run and catch the bus.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

2005-05-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to call you! I miss you and I love you and I want to talk to you!

Happy Mother's Day!

How I will finance tonight

2005-05-06T18:27:00.000-05:00

Lookee!

Leia and I are calling tonight Ladies' Night!